So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
