would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
