70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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