I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize