I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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