Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
