I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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