She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
