I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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