First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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