Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
