his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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