Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
time to smoke my breakfast
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
