thus making me awesome and them whores
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize