I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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