I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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