are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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