Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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