They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
