she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
