Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
