Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
