nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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