Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize