Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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