can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
