apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
