Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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