this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
