i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am mentally ready for anal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
