i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
