I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
