jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I could fuck to npr.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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