Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim

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(646): View more from New York

The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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(619): View more from California

I'm passing your future prison.

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(231): View more from Michigan

At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?

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(407): View more from Florida

Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.

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