have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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