you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
