im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
