dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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