No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
