I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sponge bath it is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
