you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize