Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
