I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
