I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
