Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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