That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
