wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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