i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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