it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
