Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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