haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
