I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
