i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
