I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
