is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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