Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All the doctor said was why
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
