Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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