So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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