beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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