I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize