Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
