i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
