Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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