Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
