our cab driver is having phone sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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