I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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