If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
