i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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