ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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