Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
