p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
