good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
