Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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