sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have demons in me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize