Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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