I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize