My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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