you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
