thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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