If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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