I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
