capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
