It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
