I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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