If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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