Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
