i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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