is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
