doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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