yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
