Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
